My mom will be the first person to tell you that she is not a great cook. She doesn’t love to cook, either. And she certainly didn’t grow up with dreams of working at a Michelin-starred restaurant. And yet, there is one meal she cooks all the time that I always love. Bean and cheese burritos.

Burritos were plentiful where my mom grew up, in Harbor City, just south of Los Angeles. I spent summers and winters there, but I was born and raised in Singapore, where burritos were not part of the food culture. Still, I ate them at least once a week. The western-style grocery stores had a small Mexican food section where you could find all the necessary ingredients.

Four of the eight members of the Hamby family. From left to right: Kim, Tobin (1 years old), Joe, and Bo (2 years old). Photo courtesy: Kim Hamby.

And my mom did most of the grocery shopping and cooking, even though my dad was more gifted in the kitchen. He traveled a lot for work, so he was rarely available. But my mom volunteered at school, so she spent as much time away from home as her kids. Meals needed to be fast and friendly enough for my five siblings and me. Over the years, a rotation developed, sort of like a lineup in baseball.  Burritos were near the top of that rotation, along with store-bought ravioli with Italian sausage and tomato sauce, shake-and-bake chicken and grilled ham and cheese.

I enjoyed all of those meals, but bean and cheese burritos were my favorite — which is kind of crazy, considering the ingredients. Refried beans from the can. A block of cheddar cheese, grated. And tortillas. My mom would heat up the beans in a pot on the stove and then spread an even layer on one of the tortillas, sprinkle some cheese on top, fold them up and toast them in a cast-iron pan. She’d place the finished, folded burritos on a plate, piling them high for the six kids waiting eagerly at the table. A few minutes later, crumbs were all that remained.

Recently, I started to wonder what my mom’s family meals were like. So I called her and asked. Turns out family meals just weren’t really a thing. Her parents divorced when she was ten years old, and her mom had to work two jobs to afford rent and groceries.

“I didn’t grow up with good quality food,” she told me. “I grew up with crappy food, because that’s all we could afford.”

Dinner, then, was usually something out of a can. Grilled ham and cheese was sometimes on the menu, but my mom would be the one cooking since my grandma was at work. So my mom doesn’t look back fondly on those dinners. Cooking was a solitary experience.

She didn’t cook burritos back then. She says she started making them when she met my dad, when she was 32. He had worked at Taco Bell, and “loved” the bean and cheese burritos he once sold. He started making them, but he didn’t toast the tortillas at the end. My mom started that tradition, “because I’ve always liked everything toasted,” she says.

Bo and his mom in 2017. Photo: Joe Hamby.

She brought that tradition to Singapore when she and my dad moved there for work. I started eating burritos as soon as I was old enough to eat solid food. We made fun of my mom a lot for those burritos, joking about how often she made them, about burning the tortillas, about occasionally adding in leftover meat to make it seem fancier than it really was. But when I think about those burritos now, I think about sitting around a table with my brothers and sisters. And about my mom, after a long day, taking the time to carefully fold the tortillas the same way every time before she put them in the cast-iron pan.

I cook a lot now — unlike my mom, I really enjoy it. I try and find new recipes, or try out new techniques, or just make something I’ve never tasted before. But every month, like clockwork, a craving hits my gut. I head to the store for a can of refried beans, cheddar cheese and tortillas. I heat the beans, just like my mom did. I spread them evenly over a tortilla before sprinkling the cheese on top. Then I fold it up and toast them in a cast-iron pan. But no matter what, they never taste like my mom’s bean and cheese burritos.

She may not be a great cook, but she sure knows what her kids want.

Bo Hamby