The shame of food insecurity keeps one Staten Island resident silent

By Kailyn Lamb

On any given night you can hear the loud beeps of a microwave in Diana’s home in Staten Island, as she makes herself a single serving of instant Ramen noodles, the kind that comes in a Styrofoam cup.

Diana is not her real name, but she wants to keep her identity a secret because she doesn’t tell people that she receives SNAP benefits. Diana fears that others may judge her — for that, and for the clinical depression she suffers from, given the “general misunderstanding” she has seen about depression, She is very careful with who she trusts with this information about her life, making it “hard to cement friendships,” she said.

But Diana is not alone. Hunger Free America, previously called the New York City Coalition Against Hunger, estimates that the poverty level in Staten Island was at 15 percent in 2014, an increase of 63 percent from six years ago.

Geri Swanson from Trinity Lutheran Evangelical Church said that their food pantry and soup kitchen saw an increase to as many as 120 people per week after Hurricane Sandy in 2012. While there is some fluctuation in their weekly numbers now, they average about 70 to 90 people per week, and Swanson said that she and the other people who work there have stopped attempting to guess why the numbers vary. “Whoever comes, comes, and we’ll feed them,” she said. She expects to see another increase because of new changes in SNAP eligibility.

Diana’s kitchen in her home on Staten Island. She surrounds herself with the color pink because she calls it her “happy color.” Photo by Kailyn Lamb.

Diana is one of many who come to Trinity on Saturdays for the soup kitchen. Staten Island residents can come to the soup kitchen at Trinity every Saturday, no questions asked, Swanson said. The food pantry at Trinity can only be used once per month, but residents can visit other food pantries in the area to supplement that. More recently, the group changed program hours so that the food pantry and soup kitchen overlapped. This way, people could stop at the soup kitchen after using the pantry. “It’s one less meal they have to worry about to feed their families,” said Swanson.

Jack Martz is the director of the program at Trinity, which has operated for more 35 years. Martz said that the program has no restrictions, and is nondenominational, even though it is held in the church. Martz and many of the volunteers have been working at the church for years; Swanson has been there for 27 years.

Swanson lives on Staten Island and said that during her time as a volunteer she has come to know many of the people who visit the soup kitchen, and will sometimes see them around town. “They’re all my neighbors,” she said, who says that her religious beliefs guide her:  “People were put on this Earth to help each other,” she says.

After Diana and her neighbors share a meal of instant Ramen, they place all their dishes in the sink. Photo by Kailyn Lamb.

In her own home, Diana feels the same way. As she makes her noodles, two children who live upstairs come into the kitchen. Courtney Wilson, who is 10, frequently joins Diana for dinner, along with her six-year-old brother, Aiden. They all sit at a small kitchen table and Epiphany spoons servings out from the Styrofoam cup into clear glass bowls. Courtney and Aiden each receive a steaming pile of noodles, while Diana reserves only a small amount of noodles for herself, in a pool of broth. Epiphany said that she enjoys being able to share her meals, adding that “it makes no sense to be selfish.”

On this particular night, Diana has the energy to chat with the children. Her laugh is warm, and welcoming. She lifts her bowl as a cheers to the children, saying “bon appetit” before joking that it is their own version of chicken Parmesan.

But it is nearly impossible for Diana to have so much energy all the time. She said that sometimes her depression makes it hard for her to get out of bed, which makes it difficult for her to work. She tries to focus on how lucky she is to live here: The 39-year-old Caribbean immigrant  has been in this two-bedroom apartment for the last five years, and the relatively low rent has not risen since she moved in. She also qualified for medicaid, which helps to cover the costs of her numerous medications.

She worries that people think of food stamp recipients as lazy — which, coupled with her depression, can make even simple chores, like cooking and cleaning her apartment, difficult. Cup of Noodles and other simple dishes are often her solution when she doesn’t feel up to the task. While medication and her own positive affirmations help, Diana is never sure when a bad day will come.

The fear of judgment from people impacts her everyday life. Diana sometimes wears wigs and hats to make herself unrecognizable. Secrecy makes it difficult to meet and make friends, and stretches into other relationships as well. She has been seeing a man for a little over a year, but he does not know that she is using food benefits. Diana said that he is compassionate, and will not likely judge her like others have, but she still does not think he will be able to relate to the problem.

The food ministry at Trinity Church tries to avoid serving the same meals every Saturday. Swanson also said that, within reason, they try to accommodate the tastes of the people, like Diana, who frequently come in. The organization tries to keep meals healthy, and Swanson said that they always insist that a green salad is part of the meal. As people come in Swanson asks nearly every one of them how they are. As volunteers push their carts between the tables, there is a buzz of happy chatter in the room. Swanson said that it is important for them to make sure people feel safe coming to their soup kitchen.

Swanson added that they have never had to turn someone away because there wasn’t food. “There’s always something in the pantry,” she said, “there’s always something to do.”

Kailyn Lamb